The Death of Apathy

For so long I found myself being apathetic towards my faith. Growing up in the church I got almost numb in a way to the "churchy" sayings such as; "give it to God." And the thought of praying became more of a nuisance than anything. A woman's bible study started in my church and we are going through a book called "What Happens When Women Pray." In all honesty when I heard about the topic for the group I thought, "oh great." However, I went with an open mind and I quickly realized how much I need this group and this book.

The thing that struck me the most so far was something so simple. The very essence of prayer is talking to God and telling your most personal thoughts. Asking Him to do things, thanking Him for who He is and what He has done. Trevor says that God doesn't require prayer for Him. He made prayer so we have a way to spend time with Him. I had an epiphany on Sunday. When I was in college there was sin I was struggling with that kept me from praying. I thought that I was so far from grace that I didn't desearve to pray anymore, I wasn't worthy of asking God to help me through it. I built up this huge wall and became even more apathetic. This started the downward spiral of me trying to control my life and choas. Had I just come to God on my knees and admitted I needed Him maybe this wall would not have been up for so long. On Sunday I relized this wall is what has been keeping me from prayer and wanting to talk to God.

So, I have began praying immediatly when I see myself starting to worry and go into crisis mode. I give it away right then and there and it has been the most freeing and beautiful thing I could ever imagine. It is almost if I can feel the burden lifting from my inner being. Instead of trying to control my situation and overcome the anxiety on my own, I am able to give it to Him, who is so much greater and stronger then I am. This has given me a peace I have been lacking for a long time. I am learning to appreciate the power of prayer and realizing how much closer it is bringing me to God, and I love it.